A really bad, terrible, awful, horrible day...

FEAR:  There are those who are strong and appear fearless and those whom we consider weak, because they are "afraid" of everything, it seems ~ people, the dark, heights, spiders, etc....  Fear imprisons people. Fear causes people to avoid certain activities.  Fear can kill.

For as long as I can remember, FEAR has been an issue in my life.  I have been afraid and fearful of many things:

• Fear of heights
• Fear of failure
• Fear of illness
• Fear of snakes
• Fear of the dark
• Fear of other people
• Fear of being rejected
• Fear of being abandoned
• Fear of what others think of me
• Fear of people discovering who I really was...
• Fear of being the victim of a crime or a violent act
• Fear of my Dad (he was a strict disciplinarian and had a terrifying, loud voice when he was angry.  He demanded respect. - please know I am not judging my Dad.  It was who he was - he had his own life story.  I loved my Dad deeply and miss him every day since his passing. He made me laugh.  He brought a measure of happiness into my life. I know, now, how much he loved me.  We were connected at a deep place inside of each of us...)

Without knowing it, FEAR had grown into a huge wave that washed over my whole life...

FEAR has been an overwhelming factor in my life that has held me back from engaging in life more fully.  FEAR is debilitating! FEAR caused me to be an overprotective mother of our children.  Because of my own fears and be overly worried that something bad might happen to them or someone else might hurt them, I tried to shelter and protect them from a world that I believed was a bad place filled with bad people I couldn't trust. It was, and often, still is.  I would do everything I could to keep them safe...  Not that this was a healthy or appropriate mindset. It's not!  And, there have been events in our family that have caused great personal pain to me (and others), because of how I experienced life controlled by fear.  

I was a sick child and spent alot of time at the doctor's office or at different clinics...seeking healing for this or that.  I had pneumonia at 3 months of age.  While some children are strong and resilient, I feared doctors, the more I had to see them ~ because to me, they never really made me better.  And then, when you develop chronic illness and doctors begin to tell you:  "You're depressed and just need to be on an anti-depressant,"  "It's all in your head,"  "I don't know what's wrong with you, but let's try this medicine," "I don't know what's wrong with you, it's all psychological - you need help - and I think it would be better for you to find a new doctor."  There is likely some truth to all of this, but it never made me feel like I was a person of value or worth...and it just made things worse.

For me, FEAR grew.  Always looking over my shoulder.  Always wondering if I would ever get well again. Wondering if I would live long enough to see our children grow up.  FEAR that I had ruined our children's lives, because they had to grow up with a Mom who was sick and couldn't get well and it caused our life to keep changing and made us different than other people.  Deciding to give up this activity or that activity to deal with my broken body and FEAR increased.  Worrying about getting sick or hurt in an accident, because my body wouldn't tolerate pharmaceutical medicine.  Then what? And, as time went by, the world became more and more toxic to my body, and continued to weaken and break down... And, FEAR grew!

How can this all be happening, when I am a Christian and I have accepted Jesus as my Savior?  Doesn't the Bible talk about FEAR?  It does, but I could not overcome it.  As some would say, "You don't have enough faith."  And so, I continually questioned myself even though I knew these words:

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' Isaiah 41:10 (NASB)

I didn't know how to embrace these words, the Truth of them, and to allow God to make it a reality in my own life.  I felt like a failure.  My husband and I have prayed for many years for healing in my body and for healing of a specific health issue that I battled again and again. Yes, healing would come in different ways, but what I needed seemed continually just out of reach. And, spiritual warfare has been an ongoing issue in my faith journey and I battled on, the best I could.  Always trying to find a way to freedom...

In 2013, after walking away from our home we owned, the loss of our home (my safe place), our neighborhood and community overwhelmed me (and I still struggle).  And then, my Dad's health declined and he passed away in October, 2015.  Our dearest, sweet Coco dog followed in February, 2016, and my world just spun out-of-control.  I couldn't get my feet back under me properly and my health struggled and I was truly fearful my health would just continually decline...  Finally, in desperation, I sought out a new, specialty practice, naturopath to try and find healing for an ongoing health struggle (mid 2016).  Originally diagnosed with the condition in 1993, I was told there was no "cure" - just a hope to reduce the symptoms (and not to eat fruits high in citric acid) - but this naturopath told me it is actually an autoimmune disease and not only was it making my body quite ill, but there is a path to healing...   It was overwhelming and alot to wrap our heads around.

We began the Autoimmune Protocol elimination diet (way of eating, not a weight loss diet) on January 1, 2017.  My body is weak, aching, and I am exhausted.  January is never a good month for my body; living with chronic illness.  A low point every year with not alot of sunshine and many damp, chilly days.  BUT this year, Blaine and I have a new hope; a new path toward healing and we've fully embraced it.  We decided I would remove everything from my calendar for this month to rest and adjust to the new diet.  There is very specific food for us to eat and the menu is planned out for the first 4 weeks.  We're following it exactly (except no onions or lemon/lemon juice for me - we're substituting organic cranberry juice with no sugar added).  There is ALOT more cooking and food preparation involved, but Blaine is willing to take it on - plus working - and have me help, as I can.  The one challenge ~ we live an hour away from the natural food store where we purchase our groceries.  Okay - I've been doing the grocery shopping and I believed I could do it as my one activity per week.  I would shop on Fridays, so we can batch cook on Saturdays for the next week.  So, Friday arrived and Blaine determined that he would go with me for this shopping trip, but neither he or I were feeling  too well.  Although we didn't feel so great, we headed up to the city.  I felt a bit on edge, but worked on remaining focused.  And then, on Hwy 599, we were just behind a nasty accident that happened moments before...  I'm shaken, but we continue on.  A short distance up the road, Blaine comments on wondering where he put the cookbook and shopping list in the car.  He can't find it.  NO!!!!! It has to be here. Don't tell me it's not here.  We've driven all this way.  It has to be in the car.  My stress level rises.  By the time I can pull over for him to look throughout the car, my stress level has reached near panic stage.  We are now 45 minutes from home, I don't have alot of energy, I'm stressed and...the cookbook is nowhere to be found (which isn't a huge deal), but he wanted the shopping list to be in the book and not in my purse where I normally keep it - which means it's at home and not with us.  Stress overload for someone whose body is quite ill right now.  And, we've learned anxiety and panic attacks are common when someone is experiencing an autoimmune flare, which I am right now.  The reality: we have to return home.  As we begin to head south, I am overwhelmed and go into a full panic.  I can't do this!  I don't have the strength for this!  The car accident rattled me!  Why is this happening?  I feel like I can't trust you and I need to trust you.  He feels horrible.  He's trying to hold it together, because he knows I'm in a panic.  I pull over, because I'm so stressed out.  We had a certain time window to do the grocery shopping in order to return home for lunch (we can't eat out right now).  There is no way for me to drive home and Blaine takes over driving home.  My stress is now out-of-control and I'm sobbing.  (This is illness and exhaustion crying out.)  And, then, we almost get side swiped. More stress!  Please God, help us!  A little further down the road, we almost get side swiped on the freeway.  I lose it.  I really lose it!  Completely freaking out, cries arise to the surface from deep, deep inside of me (which I've only experienced twice before ~ once when we thought we'd lost one of our children from our lives and after my Dad died. I later realizing this cry came from releasing the overwhelming emotion of embracing my diagnosis and the new life ahead of us).  Still a long drive ahead of us and I'm completely panicked.  Crying and sobbing. Blaine feeling helpless and knowing he has to focus on driving to get us home safely.  Feeling my body get weaker and weaker.... I slump over.  I can't do this anymore.  I hate my life, I scream out!  And, because we've experienced spiritual warfare before, I know part of this is the enemy of my soul trying to destroy me.... (and yet, I run the gamut of questions ~ I'm not important, so why are you bothering me?  What is it about me that irritates you so much that you desire to destroy me?) I begin yelling Jesus' name.  Please help me.  And somewhere deep inside me, I hear "sing praise."  And, I see a vision of Paul and Silas in their prison cell, singing praise to God and, again, I'm encouraged to sing praises to God.  So weak I could barely hold up my head, I forced myself to softly begin singing.  The more I sang, the stronger my voice got.  I began to feel the darkness, the weakness and the pain in my body grow lighter and fade away. The feeling returns to my arms.  By the time we arrived home, I felt back to normal again - although exhausted.  Upon arriving, Blaine broke down and we felt God doing a new work in our life; setting us free from something that imprisoned us. Blaine tells me he's never heard my voice sound so beautiful in singing praise to God before.  And for the first time, we are drawn closer together and a deeper love for each other grows, as does our love for our amazing Lord!  We have experienced the power of God in our lives doing a great work overcoming my FEAR.  His LOVE is victorious!   In a very short span of time, I went from total darkness to experiencing freedom.  He's available for you too.

And, after we ate lunch, we both had the strength to drive back up to Seattle to get our grocery shopping done (Thank You, Jesus!) and God sustained us throughout our time and back home again.  The stress did take a toll on my body and my muscles and joints are extremely painful this weekend, and I know I need to keep my stress level down to enable my body to heal, BUT I/we experienced God's loving hand upon our lives, I know He is with me and that FEAR does not have the power to destroy me for Jesus has already been victorious and has truly set me free.  Now, this doesn't mean I will never experience fear again, but I know I can run to Him who is able strengthen me in the midst of it and will protect me, for He has overcome it.  This weekend, the words below have gained new meaning for me.  As I learn to let go of FEAR and embrace Jesus, His peace will grow.  Yes, troubles and trials will happen in this life, but in Jesus we have peace for He overcame this world.  HOPE!!!

 These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation (trouble, trials), but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NASB

I share this story, not to freak anyone out, but it's a first step to free myself from my FEAR PRISON and to let others know that many people suffer behind closed doors or in ways that others cannot see their struggles or the battles they desperately try to overcome, but can't seem to.  I share, because we've managed to keep this hidden even from our own children - though not to the benefit of our family, but for my own self-protection.  I don't want our children to ever feel imprisoned, as I have nor as my husband has (and I am continually amazed he is still here and how unconditionally he loves me), but for us all to be free to embrace healing. Many people think I'm so positive and so strong - that I don't need others, because I have Jesus and my faith is everything.  But, I'm just as weak as everyone else. I often believe I'm the weakest person in my life.  Why would God want to use me for anything?  He keeps reminding me that He loves me and He created me for a purpose in this life.  My faith is my strength that sustains me.  Jesus is my answer, even as I struggle humanly to overcome the battles in my life!  His love never fails me.

I pray you, the reader, are FREE from FEAR.  And, if you're not, that you're able to find hope in Jesus and a practitioner that can help you on your journey. I pray you find the courage and the strength to let others know you struggle with FEAR.  I should have done so, very long ago...., but TODAY is a new day!  I am thankful I have a Redeemer, who is able to heal and restore my life. And, the beginning of BRAVE!!! 

Blessings for good health and healing to you!

Steps of Faith

Yesterday, I took a scary and fear-filled step, for me, in my autoimmune journey, and shared specifics about my illness with our children and my Mom. It's alot of information to take in and as overwhelming as it was for me to write, I know it's overwhelming for each of them to read...  I was tempted to quit numerous times throughout the day and not send anything to them.  I could keep things to myself, as I always have.  BUT, I knew that Jesus did not want me to stay trapped in my self-imposed prison regarding my health any longer, nor for my husband to be either.  SO, I took that scary step of faith, trusted Him, shared alot of words and a very long chronic health journey, the new revelation that I have autoimmune diseases, the reality of what's going on in my body and I let go!  

Who knew I would experience a really heavy weight lifted from my shoulders? I don't have to hide any more.  I don't have to pretend I feel fine.  Goodbye fear.  I can be the real me, focus on healing my body and live a new life. Starting today.  

And, blown away by these divine encouragements that greeted me this morning. I rejoiced. I gave thanks the Lord is with me and He is encouraging me in the first day of this new beginning of the rest of my life!  I am so incredibly blessed and have a full heart of gratitude.  

I pray each of you find the answer for your path to Hope, Healing and Wholeness.  Jesus is still mine.

Crammed with Inspiration!

I admit that I'm a dreamer.  It is part of who I am.  I am an encourager of others.  I am blessed to be a blessing to others.  It is why I do what I do.  And, I believe that God is doing amazing things in and through our lives (and in yours).  He is my hope.  He is who I live for.  How I pray His love is shared in and through my life and experienced by others.

I'm a visual person.  Words and pictures speak to my heart and spirit.  And, God's Creation all around me draws me closer to Him daily.  I pray the following inspirational pictures draw you closer to Him and you receive some insight into how amazing our God really is.

And finally, God lead me to I Take Joy with Sally Clarkson and this entry from March 2013:

Sowing seeds of faith, righteousness and waiting for the crop

“Sow with a view to righteousness, Reap in accordance with kindness.”

Hosea 10:12

I have always loved fields of wildflowers. Seems to me when I see fields and fields of the beauty, (and blue is my favorite color), I almost feel like it is evidence of the invisible hands of God still planting flowers in His gardens to remind us that He is still creating and perpetuating life, even when we are not aware.

When looking at a tiny seed, it is impossible to see what will bloom from this minute speck of nothing, -the color it will produce, the bloom or fruit, or how large the plant will be. There is vast potential locked within, that under the right circumstances–planted in good soil, watered and covered in sunshine, a miracle will happen. The seed transforms into something more than itself–it gives birth to a plant that blooms and brings beauty, life, color and a fruit–and this is a miracle-almost something out of nothing.

And so, God calls us to sow–to sow broadly, generously, diligently.

Sometimes the seeds that He requires us to sow, do not obviously promise anything–yet, we are asked to believe in the potential–the latent miracles inside of these small life-seeds.

We are to sow with a view to righteousness–not seeing or knowing totally the vast potential of what is in our hands. But ours is to be faithful to sow, by faith, the seeds of promise given to us–

to cast the seed of promise into the soil of life, generously, diligently, faithfully–

And His is to do the miracle-

To take all of the planting of faith seeds, and love seeds, and integrity seeds, and faithfulness seeds, into the moments of our lives when no one else is looking;

faithfulness to the gospel and spreading the good news;

serving our children, and loving and helping our spouses;

praying and believing when no sprout of answer is in sight.

And yet, in time, in His hands,

there will be such a bounty of beauty, a harvest from the seeds planted in life, that we will finally see, that

He was creating the miracle right beside us–the seeds will indeed sprout into a harvest of righteousness and redemption that will be beyond what we could have imagined.

But, the harvest of such sowing is only for those who plant, and water and cultivate and wait, by faith, believing in the promise of what lays ahead.

So, dear God, let us look at the flowers you have planted and see the potential beautiful harvest of our lives, if we will only believe in the seed potential in our lives right now,

which by faith will become a harvest of righteousness beyond measure.

Theme God gave me for our family for 2013:
Hope, Health and a Future...open to possibilities (based on Jeremiah 29:11)

May the Lord bless and keep you and provide for every need.  May you know His amazing and gracious love.

A Promise!

God Calling: June 19: The Success You Covet

(definition of covet: yearn to possess or have)

Follow the path of obedience. It leads to the Throne of God. Your treasure, be it success necessary on the material plane, which will further the work of My Kingdom, or the hidden spiritual wonders revealed by Me to those only who diligently seek, this treasure lies at the end of the track.

From one point (a promise of Mine or a Command) to the next, you have to follow, till finally your reach the success you covet.

All your work for the moment is in the material plane and the spiritual is only to help the material. When your material goal is reached then the material will serve only to attain the spiritual.

Amen and amen! Our dream = His story! Discovering and sharing the countless wonders of God's Creation with countless people. We're ready, Lord!

“The best is always yet to be with God. Everything you have ever dreamed or longed for, will be.” – Oswald Chambers, from Run Today’s Race in The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers

May the Lord bless you and keep you.  May He make His face shine upon you.  

Abundant blessings today and always...  Joanie

Re-focus time!

We shared a lovely New Year's holiday time with all of our adult children home.  Now, they've returned to their homes in Indiana and Kansas and we're getting re-focused here and ready to get back into the swing of things...

I was abundantly blessed at Christmas.  Gifts included a new digital camera and an Excalibur food dehydrator!  Loved all the gifts I received...

 

We feasted on rib-eye, roasted beets, sweet potatoes and yams and cauliflower New Year's Eve! 

...followed by 3 Berry pie and champagne

At the Seattle Center to ring in the New Year together!

Our children plus son-in-law

The whole family on New Year's Eve!

Blaine and I as 2012 arrives!  

Thank you Lord for another year of life and for blessing our family abundantly.  

We give you praise!

From our family to you...  May 2012 be filled with great JOY, abundant blessings and may you grow and learn and love more than ever before!

When holiday plans...

...don't work out the way we envisioned, planned, expected.  Disappointment can really overshadow the hope and joy of the season.  What is a person to do?

Life is challenging, because we are all human.  We each have our own unique personalities, our definition of "family time" and our own ideas about how our "holiday vacation" is going to look for us.  

As the holiday season approached, we were filled with much anticipation, as all our adult children will be home for the holidays (at least some part of it).  Our oldest son is home for 2 1/2 weeks and our daughter and son-in-law will be visiting for a week (over the New Year).  Now that our family is scattered across the country, we rarely get to spend time all together and we are really thankful for a few days when everyone is "home" at the same time.  

Knowing this, visions of doing things as a family and time spent together filled our heads.  Our oldest son is in grad school and we knew he would be working at his former job some plus he has a wonderful opportunity to play with the Pacific Northwest Ballet for two of their annual Nutcracker performances.  We planned a 2-day Canadian getaway for the guys just after Christmas.  And, we planned to spend New Year's Eve and New Year's Day with the whole family together.  The past 2 years have been extremely challenging and sometimes, painful, for our family ~ so this is a special gift to be all together.

Well.... life is what happens when we make plans.  Our oldest son's schedule is extremely full.  Between working at his old job and playing for The Nutcracker, it hasn't left alot of free time in his schedule.  In addition, he has lots of friends and music networking connections to re-connect with too.  And, our two sons work at the same company.  Unfortunately, their schedules are off just enough that it doesn't allow us to plan anything for an evening.  Going to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie had been in the plans, but I just don't see how it will become a reality with the schedule.  We can't even find time to watch White Christmas or the Muppet Christmas Carol ~ Christmas favorites that everyone enjoys watching together...

We thought our oldest son wouldn't work much after Christmas, but he is scheduled for another 31 hours.  The day his sister and brother-in-law arrive, he works until 11pm.  So much for a family dinner upon their arrival.  And, New Year's Eve he is schedule to work 11 - 8.  Again, so much for our plans of spending time together, playing and dinner.  Yes, we will technically be able to do a specific activity I discussed with everyone ~ to go to the Seattle Center and watch the fireworks at midnight. But... 

On New Year's Day, my parents are coming to visit and we'll have a small open house for a few people to stop by.  There are plans for a sushi lunch on January 2nd and our son returns home on the 3rd.  Not many options for family time together...  Our daughter let us know that they had planned to stay with another friend for the last couple days of their visit.  Okay.....  (An e-mail a couple of days later indicated that they would be staying with us the whole time, although I'm not holding my breath because I know plans could change again.)



Why?  Why can't things work out the way we imagine or plan?  Why can't we all be less connected to the outside world while visiting family and being "home"?  And yet, the reality is that we are all adults and have lives and relationships and ideas of our own.  We have a history together and separately; both good and challenging.

Now, maybe it appears I'm whining.  Maybe you think I should be grateful that we're together at all.  I am.  And, as things haven't worked out the way that we planned,  I have dealt with the realization that I do have expectations of how the holidays will play out (even though I've tried to be really open and flexible and not have "expectations").  I tried to hold lightly to plans, but when the schedule became more complicated than we could have imagined ~ it was very tough and I've had to work through great disappointment and frustrations over the past few days.  Through all of this, I'm learning even more about myself and embrace the truth that I still have more growing, changing and transformation work to be done in my own life.  


To be honest, I got really hung up on our adult children (who don't live at home any longer) and believing they weren't thinking about the rest of the family, not making choices that made myself (and Dad) feel like they really wanted to come and visit us and spend time together as a family, and felt the "victim" role creeping up on me.  And, it was a stark reminder that it is so easy to get our feelings hurt, to put up walls to protect yourself and/or just stay in a defensive (protective mode) because people are just going to keep letting you down.  I've learned that often people have no idea how their actions or choices have affected others.   There is a snowball effect that can quickly develop and bad feelings and "wounds" just get worse and worse and relationships fall apart... And no one really understands exactly what is happening.


Well, it's not what I want.  Life IS what happens when we make plans.  I cannot worry that someone is going to feel bad about how much time we spend together or things don't go the way that we planned.  I'm working on not taking it personally when a decision is made that interrupts our plans or things don't work out the way I had hoped.  Instead, I'm focusing on being thankful for the moments we do share with one another, living and focusing on the present time and having a heart of gratitude in the midst of frustration, struggles and my own healing.  I want my hands and heart to be open so love can flow through me to others and God can continue to work in and through our lives.  And, I'm believing that we will make some fond memories during the 2011 holiday season...

Nicholas' birthday and more garden work...

Can hardly believe our youngest child turned 19 today! Who gave him permission to grow up?

Strawberry rhubarb pie

(The fruit was grown in our garden - yay!)

Abundant blessings today and the year ahead!

I love you, Little Buddy!

At the end of a long day's work in the garden...

Don't like to use peat moss, but really felt the huckleberries and blueberries needed an extra boost after last year's frigid weather. Also added compost to all the front and side areas. Pulled weeds and removed everbearing strawberries (can't get them to produce sweet fruit). Planted osteospermums in the deck garden boxes.

The front garden beds took a hit last winter with the extra cold weather, so removed that which did not survive well and I'm transitioning the space to mostly herbs.
Planted rosemary, summer savory, hyssop and lavender today.

Alot of work to do for this herb area... Orange thyme and rosemary here.

Fresh covering of compost.

Love daisy flowers just outside our bedroom!

A little of this, a little of that...

Nicholas ~ our high school graduate and
Benjamin ~ our Seattle Pacific University graduate

Trying to keep the garden going in the midst of all the busyness of life!

Benjamin and Kirstin's wedding quilt

Benjamin and Kirstin's ring pillow made from my wedding dress and representing:

• Something old ~ my dress
• Something new ~ the ring pillow
• Something borrowed ~ Nancy's talent to embroider the pillow and a piece of their quilt fabric to add to the "stuffing" inside
• Something blue ~ the embroidery and the ribbon
  

Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Harris

Nicholas' German chocolate gluten-free dairy-free cake with maple frosting and strawberry jam filling from Flying Apron Bakery

Our 18 year old! All our children are adults now...

Blaine's birthday morning ~ Starbucks and a morning walk on Alki Beach

The birthday boy enjoying tuna sushi

The Quilt's story: a gift of love...

This is the story that I wrote to accompany the prayer quilt I made for Elizabeth (our daughter) and Josh's wedding... I considered not sharing it, as it is a personal story, but it's even more than that ~ a story of the Father's love for His children. I chose not to include pictures of all the people who participated, as there are too many to post. His love truly endures forever!

MY STORY ~ as told by the Quilt

In the land of the living, two Dear Ones dwelled with their three special Blessings. These Blessings were precious gifts given to the Dear Ones by their loving Father. There was the Musician, the Seamstress and lover of people (Sweet Rosebud) and the Techie aka the family comedian. The Dear Ones cared for them, taught them, encouraged them, disciplined them, played with them, and so loved them ~ and they lived a unique and wonderful life together; and all the while the Blessings grew. One day, their Sweet Rosebud met a young man. In a short time, he convinced the Sweet Rosebud to leave her home, her family, her friends and her church and move to the place he dwelled in. A great sadness settled over the Dear Ones and the Blessings left behind, yet they continued to seek the Father for understanding and tried to love their Sweet Rosebud from a great distance... A day arrived when the Sweet Rosebud called to tell her family that she was getting married. They tried to be happy for her, but it was so difficult. They still didn't understand why the Sweet Rosebud couldn't be part of her family and love another too.

Upon the engagement, the Father spoke to one of the Dear Ones (who was also a Quilt Maker). He told her to construct a queen-size quilt for this upcoming wedding. Upon completion, the Quilt Maker was instructed to insert ties and travel with me, so people who loved the Sweet Rosebud could pray for her, bless her and share their love with her - and her future husband - and then tie-a-tie to represent that prayer... The Quilt Maker agreed to what the Father asked of her, but let Him know that her heart was broken and a great sadness was making it difficult to be obedient and complete her task. She wanted to show her Sweet Rosebud how much she loved her, but didn't know how to get past this great sadness. The Quilt Maker visited many fabric stores trying to find the inspiration fabric for my design, but nothing seemed right. On the last day of searching, and as she prepared to enter the last fabric store, she said to the Father, "Unless you show me the fabric you've chosen, I am afraid I shall not be able to make this quilt you desire and I shall fail you." As she walked through the door, she heard a small voice tell her to go straight forward to the back wall. She began to scan the rows of fabric, but still nothing. Suddenly, her eyes landed on a fabric and she heard the Father say, "Yes that is the one!" 3 of the remaining 4 fabrics were found quickly - and after getting the other Dear One to help her, they found the final fabric together at another fabric store.

Now that the Quilt Maker had all my pieces and parts ~ it was time to put me together. Still finding it difficult to focus on the project, the Father provided the Quilt Maker with special music to listen to as she worked on me. This encouraged the Quilt Maker and she spent many hours praying, sewing, and loving her Sweet Rosebud as she worked. She allowed tears to flow, joy to fill her heart (as she remembered the special times she and her Sweet Rosebud had shared, as well as the entire family) and the Father’s Hope kept her going. The Quilt Maker’s loving hands were gentle and handled me with great care. Her thoughts were filled with her Sweet Rosebud constantly... Oh, how she loves her!

As the Quilt Maker sewed, she looked at pictures the Sweet Rosebud took in Colorado quite often. She saw how the fabrics the Father had chosen were the colors of His Creation all around the Sweet Rosebud. She knew I was to be a reminder of how much He loves His Sweet Rosebud and how the evidence of whom He is exists everywhere that she looks. The blue is the color of the sky. The creamy white fabric – upon close examination – reveals the wildflowers that fill the meadows. Yet, take a few steps back from me and you’ll notice it resembles the snow-capped mountains. When looking at the mountains around you, Sweet Rosebud and your young man, there are cool and warm browns. These colors are reflected in the remaining fabric choices ~ as well as the variety of textures too. The paisley design in the blue fabric represents the trees and shrubs that appear in the landscape. The imperfections in the quilt remind us that we are human, sinful by nature, living in a broken world and in desperate need of a Savior. Only He can set us free ~ completely free! And as a whole quilt, I shall remind you that all you need to do is “lift up your eyes to the hills from whence cometh your help. Your help cometh from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth...” He is with you always!

The Quilt Maker worked through many challenges ~ and at times wanted to give up ~ but the Father and the other Dear One encouraged her and sustained her to finish sewing me together. When the sewing was finished, she loving threaded over 200 ties through all my layers. The Dear Ones were filled with love and hope as they packed me up. I couldn’t imagine the places they were going!

The Dear Ones got into the car and drove off. We were in the car a very long time. When we stopped, they brought me into a place and many people began to touch me and love you! First, I met Kenny and Denise. They were joined by Uncle Jim, Aunt Judy and cousin Jennifer. I heard that I was in Lewiston, Idaho. After lots of hugs, the Dear Ones packed me up and we were on the road again. We arrived in a small town out on the prairie and I was taken into a house where many people gathered ~ Nezperce, Idaho. I was spread out on the dining, room table and family gathered all around. I met Uncle Greg, Aunt Kay, Riley, Allison, Casie, Brett, Uncle Bob, Aunt Kathy, Scott, Melodee, Aunt Maxine, and Grandma and Granddad. Even one of the Dear Ones tied a knot that evening... I enjoyed many hours of listening to family chatter, laughter and the warmth of loved ones together. The next morning, I was packed into the car and we headed north to Spokane. The Dear Ones arrived at Uncle Richard’s house and the hustle and bustle began again. I was laid out on a sofa in a bright room and basked in the late morning sunshine and the love of family together. Uncle Richard, Aunt Suann, Cade, Ragan, Uncle Justin, Aunt Shannon, Maia and Loran all added their knots to me! Each one was like a precious hug! After waiting for the Dear One to play Wii with young Cade, the Dear Ones packed me up again and we headed home. I even saw snow in the mountains!

On Sunday evening, the Dear Ones put me in the car again and we traveled for a distance in the rain and darkness. We arrived in another small town, Granite Falls, and I was unfolded upon one of many tables in a fellowship hall. Many young people ~ and a few older ones ~ blessed you that night. Tina Riley, Lauren Moushey, Tanner Moushey, Dean Riley, Emily Clements, Becca Hoeglund, Christa Moushey, Alison Siedenburg, Amanda Hoeglund, Grant Siedenburg and RuthAnn Hoeglund. The sounds of the Community Choir practice filled the church with beautiful music!

Valerie Olson came by the house to tie-a-tie. She had a lovely conversation with the Quilt Maker and really loves going to school at the International Academy of Design and Technology. After a day’s rest, I was packed up again and back in the car. This time, we went to Third Place Books and met up with an energetic woman named Carla Peery. She hugged the Quilt Maker and talked about how special the Sweet Rosebud was and how much she missed her. Then, it was off again and we stopped at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. When asked if Grandpa knew how to tie a square knot, he did a funny little dance and made silly little comments. Aunt Marilyn and Uncle Len came by the house mid-afternoon when Grandma and the Quilt Maker returned from shopping. I waited for them to tie their special knots until after the gifts were wrapped. Once again, I was folded up and put into the bag and we were off to the next stop. Vanessa Norris is a lovely woman with a great love for the Lord. I knew her quickly, as I’d heard her music played while the Quilt Maker sewed me together. She’s a prayer warrior! On our way home, the Quilt Maker stopped in downtown Seattle. She couldn’t take me with her, but went to Banana Republic to pick up notes left by former co-workers. It certainly is a busy season downtown. She saw JoJo who asked the Quilt Maker to tie-a-tie for her! What a precious friend...

At home again, cousin Denise came by a day later! Oh, how she loves you. She, too, is a prayer warrior and spent much time praying for you both... Friday evening, I was packed up again and taken to the SPU faculty lounge. Elizabeth Dueck and Shannon Heckelsmiller came by to pray for you and tie a knot. You know many people and they all love you! Beautiful music resounded from First Free Methodist Church that night, as I waited for the Dear Ones and the Blessings to return me home. Saturday, I was at Bethany Community Church during the Prayers and Squares work day. Pat Collins came by to pray for you and share her love. Beth Gerlach prayed for you too! Next, it was off to the Greenwood Library so Shirley Riley could tie a knot for you. Oh, the places I’ve been!

Sunday morning, the Dear Ones were up early and prepared to be out for the day. We drove quite a distance again and arrived at Stephanie Singer’s parent’s house where she, her mom and Debbie Olson were waiting to tie knots for you! Stephanie loves you so much! She’s a bit heartsick that she is not able to be there for the wedding... Then, it was off to Sisco Heights Community Church. The Dear Ones were so delighted to see old friends and eagerly anticipated Pastor Dan’s message. They were so loved by everyone! After the service, Jan Eide, Kris Gieseking, Becky Jolly (married Mike Jolly), Sarah Gieseking and Pastor Dan all prayed for you! These are all prayer warriors and love the Sweet Rosebud greatly! From here, the Dear Ones headed north and we arrived at a home familiar to the Quilt Maker. I heard stories of the many hours that you, Sweet Rosebud and the Quilt Maker spent in Pat’s sewing room. What a special place! I was laid out on the pool table and Pat and Barbara Tunestam tied several ties for you... Even Bob Watson wanted to tie a tie for the Sweet Rosebud and said that she and the Quilt Maker should come by more often, as he missed them. The last stop of the day was in Shoreline to visit the Aw family. Valerie and Natalie tied a tie for you ~ as so did their parents! What delightful people!

My final day of travel before being packed up for a long drive to Colorado was Monday. The Quilt Maker took me to a loving doctor’s office. What a caring and compassionate woman she is! Then, it was over to the chiropractor where his skilled hands touched me. Then, I headed north to a noisy place ~ a church bustling with many children and lots of moms! I was greeted by a lovely woman, Kim Nelson. She hugged the Quilt Maker and asked about the Sweet Rosebud. She took us upstairs and I was spread out on a table near the study hall room. Kirsten Nelson, Julie VandenBos, Judy Collins, Laurie Morrison, Robin Stangland, and Sue Danielson all prayed for you. Acacia wanted to be there, but was home ill and quite disappointed at not getting to participate. They all asked about the Sweet Rosebud and who was this young man, etc. In the pouring rain, we departed again and headed south. We arrived at Northwest University and dashed into Perkins Lounge where Teixeira Clark and Melissa Newhouse met up with us and prayed for you. What delightful friends you have!

Upon arriving home Monday night, the Quilt Maker spread me out across the futon so the family could pray and tie ties. The Musician’s beloved, the Musician, the Quilt Maker and the Techie were the final people from home that tied and prayed; missing you greatly as they did so. And yes, even Coco wanted to be a part of this gift too. This loving dog has remained close to the Quilt Maker for hours upon hours ~ even when she sewed late in the wee morning hours. As I lay upon the futon, I reflected back over my journey with the Dear Ones. I think of all the people I met along this journey and the many others, who were unable to be a part of it, but sent a message and let the Quilt Maker know how much they cared about the Sweet Rosebud. I have yet to meet you, but I’ve learned that you have touched many lives, impacted many who say they are better people because you have been a part of their lives, are loved by countless people, are special and very talented, and missed by all! So many desired to be part of your wedding celebration, but found it to be too short of notice and for most, too far away for them to afford to travel there. Everyone wants the Dear Ones to give you a hug and tell you hello from them and remind you how much they love you, Sweet Rosebud... That’s going to be a lot of hugging and loving shared!

Now, the Dear Ones are preparing to wrap me up for the longest journey of all to you and the young man. The Quilt Maker has left a dozen ties untied, so the young man’s family and Sylvia may participate in this special gift too. I hope I will be an ongoing reminder of how much you are loved, Sweet Rosebud. I desire to keep you warm and safe under my layers throughout each season and constantly remind you that the Father is always near to you... I look forward to spending many wonderful years with you. May you rejoice and be glad as you receive this gift of love!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly light, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the Word of Truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all He created.” James 1:17-18

“...the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:17-18

You are loved Elizabeth and Josh...

My own personal reflections: This was a difficult and challenging journey for me to undertake making this quilt, but I learned that even in the midst of great trials in our lives God remains faithful, there are still times of joy, we have a greater strength within us (because of our Lord) than we realize, and our lives are not just about us - but who we are is partly based on all the people who come into (and some who go out of) our lives. I would be such a different person without the countless people who have crossed the path of my life through my short years on this earth. And while I would prefer not to go through these hard times, I wouldn't trade the opportunity to grow in my faith, to be refined and learn to love others at a greater level. I have been far from perfect, but I'm so thankful God has met our needs in more amazing ways than ever before and shown us that He is in our midst, even in our darkest hours. He has brought us hope, joy and blessed us to overflowing with His love. He has the same for you...